Friday, July 7, 2006

Turn Away from the Lite

And the mass beer marketers of this great land watered down their beer and said, "Let there be light beer;" and there was light beer. And the mass beer marketers tasted the light beer: And it was bad. Really really bad. But, the mass beer market spin doctors saw a "Lite" at the end of the tunnel: the female demographic. And ladies, we fell for the great lite lie hook, line and stinky beer.

Here's what lite beer means to me. A mass produced crappy beer that has been DILUTED with water until nearly all the depth of flavor and character has been stripped out of it. Girls, believe me when I say that its just not worth it. It just isn't.

The most disheartening fact about drinking lite beer is that there really is no benefit to drinking it., a leading beer knowledge website, says that lite beer is "all more or less (expletive deleted.) What you gain in the way of less calories, you lose in a major way with flavor, aroma and body." And for what? I am in no way advocating that you drink Budweiser, but as an example; Budweiser is only 33 calories more than Bud Lite. And, GET THIS, you burn that amount of calories by SLEEPING for a HALF-HOUR.

What about carbs? We ladies are always concerned with the carbs. Again, according to Beer Advocate, while it is true that carbs get converted to fat, the carbs that exist in beer are the kind of carbs that are not derived from fat. They are the "simple" carbs that your body can break down quickly into energy.

In addition, Ladies, lets just be cool. Can we try to just be cool? In the land of real beer, "light" can mean so many things. It can mean a beer that is light in color (which tells you very little about the flavor.) Light can mean that a beer has a lighter body compared to bigger beers. Light can mean that a beer has a lower alcohol content. In general, "light" is a vague and confusing descriptor to real beer connoisseurs. Unless, of course, it is very clear that by "light" you mean "lite." In that case, "I would like a lite beer," translates to, "I don't know anything about good beer and so instead I would like to have something that tastes like (expletive deleted.)" Does that seem like something a smart chick would say?

C'mon girls. Life is short! Date a bad boy, but don't drink a bad beer. Why force ourselves to power through something we have to choke down to no benefit? Don't we already do that enough? Its time to fully enjoy the good things in life. And one of the best things in life is the fine malt beverage called beer.

Make your fellow beer chicks proud. Don't be a Carol-Anne.
Turn away from the lite!

Check out these stats. It just isn't worth it!
(12oz) (ABV%) Calories Carbs (g)

4.9 143 10.6
Bud Light
4.2 110 6.6
Miller High Life
4.6 144 13.1
Miller Lite
4.2 96 3.2
Coors Original
5.0 148 11.3
Coors Light
4.2 105 5.0

(ABV% stands for Alcohol Percentage by Volume)


  1. Awesome page Christina! Thanks for showing me the light. I am going to encourage all my yonder girl pals to check out your page.

  2. I needed this article the other night...I was truly in the dark. Thank you for showing me the light. Just like orange juice that advertises no fat which I knew was a have now ad busted the beer industry for me.

  3. okay, I am one of those people(chicks) that would never in my right mind use the word"lite" when I order a beer..I mean why do all those big ass guys with there gut hanging out ..order "uh coors lite" they scarf down a cheezeburgeh.. anyways.. but I am guilty of not wanting the major flavor.. just do not like a lot of the flavor in a beer.. so Christina the oh the Queen of beer knowledge..thanking you for sharing the light..on lite beer..I have seen the I mean the Light.