If Beer Were a Cocktail

If beer were a cocktail what cocktail would beer be?

There are a lot of chicks out there that come into my bar, which is only beer and wine, asking me for a cocktail. This is annoying but forgivable. After the shock and disappointment wears off, I'm usually able to coax a cocktail-o-phile into a beer that has some similar flavor qualities with the cocktail that they were initially craving, much to that guest's surprise and delight.

It got me thinking about how many different cocktails could parallel with beer. What would the beerquivalant of a Rum Runner be? There are lots of different versions of this cocktail, but the one that I like has light and dark spicy rum, brandy, banana liqueur, grenadine, orange juice and pineapple juice. I'm thinking that I would go with a Weizenbock: a strong spicy wheat beer that has pronounced banana esters and a rich malt character / high alcohol content that provides a warming rummy/brandy mouthfeel and flavor. Weizenbocks are also known to have fruity aromas and flavors as well as citrus rind qualities. It hits the Rum Runner mark pretty closely.

That's how I do it. Here are some other beer parallels I've come up with:

Martini - Orval Trappiste
Rum & Coke - Unibroue Maudite
Apple Martini - Ephemere Pomme
Lemon Drop - La Fin du Monde
Black Russian - Young's Double Chocolate Stout
Irish Coffee - Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout
Amaretto - Rogue Hazelnut Brown Ale
Screwdriver - Craftsman Orange Grove Ale